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16th-Oct-2009 06:11 pm - Update... October 16th, 2009
Story
Well, he-llo!

It's been like a month since the last time I posted something, I think. Nothing much has changed since the last time, except that I am so much calmed down and less stressed.

Huh, well, I guess that A LOT has changed, then :D

I've been working really hard, and studying really hard. I even did my thesis pre-project (I don't even know how it's called in English), and I hope it'll be approved and I can carry on with that line of investigation.

My personal life, as always, is on hold. Sometimes I fear that, while trying to make a career for myself and dedicating so much effort to improving my academic degree, I'm losing the opportunity to... I don't know what, but I'm definitely missing on something.

But then again, "there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me", right?

I joined a gym, and I'm trying to adjust it to my already crazy schedule (work from 7 to 5 and weekend classes, I'm feeling a bit over-worked here). So far, so good. I am seriously trying to get myself in shape. I'm even doing a pseudo diet (cutting down the bread and desserts, things like that). So far, so good on that one too.

I think I'll start a novel or something. I need a creative outlet too.
17th-Aug-2009 03:03 pm - August 17th, 2009
Story
"(There's Gotta Be) More To Life" - Stacie Orrico

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

i'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

14th-Aug-2009 05:42 pm - August 14th, 2009 - Afternoon
Story
I find myself worrying more and more. I'm kind of paranoid here, what with all the symptoms I'm experiencing. What worries me the most is that I have them ALL. And I'm conscious about it, I just want to know how to FIX it!

Symptoms of Depression:

  • Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism.
  • You feel that life has/is 'passing you by'.
  • You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness.
  • Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood.
  • You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy.
  • You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
  • You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
  • Loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities.
  • You feel a burden to others.
  • You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
  • You feel you have no confidence.
  • You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again.

Some more Severe Symptoms of Depression include:

  • Thoughts about death or suicide.
  • Increased heart beat
  • Poor concentration, memory or attention.

Symptoms needed to meet criteria for 'depressive episode' in ICD-10:

A
Depressed Mood
Loss of interest and enjoyment
Reduced energy and decreased activity

B
Reduced concentration
Reduced self esteem and confidence
Ideas of guilt and unworthyness
Pessimistic thoughts
Disturbed sleep
Diminished apetite
Ideas of self harm

  • Mild depressive episode - at least 2 of A and atleast 2 of B
  • Moderate depressive episode - at least 2 of A and atleast 3 of B
  • Severe depressive episode - all 3 of A and atleast 4 of B
14th-Aug-2009 12:06 pm - August 14th, 2009
Story
I'm depressed.

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that makes me depressed, because there are several things that have that effect right now. For starters, I am TIRED (even though I'm on vacation right now). I'm tired of... I don't know, life. I am TIRED of my postgraduate classes, of working on my thesis dissertation, of my job, of my family, of my whole environment. And that SUCKS.

I'm also feeling really lonely lately. I haven't had a boyfriend in like forever since my ex left the country, and I really REALLY miss being in a couple (I miss him too, of course, but it's not like I want to go back to him). And well, I miss all the things that come with a relationship. Not just the physical part, though I miss that very much, but, the company, the familiarity, everything. I want that, I NEED that. And it's not like I'm all alone in the world, I have my friends, but it's just not the same.... Besides, right now we're kind of.... tired of each other, I think. I mean, I love them to bits and pieces, but I'm tired of always doing the same things.

I need to meet new people.

Star light, star bright, where the hell is Mr. Right?

That's another thing that makes me depressed: I'm not gorgeous, I am aware of that. I'm not even really pretty, just kind of. I'm... ok, I guess. Acceptable, tolerable. I'm also kinda fat. But I'm wicked smart, and funny, and I have lots of things to share with people. So why is it that I have so many friends yet no man is interested on me otherwise? Everybody tells me that I shouldn't try to change myself in order to get a man, but then they tell me that I intimidate people with my attitude or my personality. I cannot, for the life of dogs, understand it. My male friends tell me that I'm cute and pretty and even sexy, but why doesn't any other male tell me so? That, I conclude, depresses me a lot.

By the way, a conclusion is the place where you're just tired of thinking.

Enough rambling for the day, I wanna go wallow in self-pity.
12th-Aug-2009 02:07 pm - August 12th, 2009
Story
I spent three delightful days at the beach with my best friend and his girlfriend. I had a lot of fun hanging with them. I'll miss them both a lot when they move out of the country after their wedding!
4th-Aug-2009 09:22 am - August 4th, 2009
Story
I’ve been feeling… empty, these days. There’s something missing in my life, and I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. I have a lot of friends but I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a job that I enjoy but I don’t get paid enough money. I have good grades in courses that I don’t really care for. My best friend Leo is getting married with an amazing girl, and I’m jealous because I want that, I want someone to share my life with. Maybe not a husband (yet), but I would like to have a partner. I’ve been spending a lot of time with a group of friends, and I enjoy my time with them, I do, it’s just… Bah, I don’t know…
31st-Jul-2009 08:33 pm - July 31st, 2009
Story
Well, my pseudo-thesis paper is ready to be delivered, the power point slides are ready to be presented, and I'm escaping class tomorrow at 11 to go to Caracas. I refuse to let this "studying" thing take away all the fun from my life! XD So I'm going to Avalancha, a convention of freaky things related to manganime, videogames, comics, roleplaying games and Japanese culture. I have to find my camera and buy some batteries!
30th-Jul-2009 05:00 pm - July 30th, 2009
Story
Just finished with the first and second chapter of my MSc thesis. I think (I'm sure) it's lacking, because it's more of a project of thesis than a thesis, but this is what I'm presenting to the teacher. I'm not planning on going crazy typing a hundred pages, because this is for Saturday, and anyway, the whole project is still taking shape in my head.
24th-Jul-2009 03:38 pm - Wondering if...
Story
There is really a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?
14th-Jul-2009 12:50 pm - School year is over!
Story
And I'm grateful for that. I've been sick (bloody flu!) for like a month and a half now, and it's bloody exhausting! On the other hand, I'm glad I returned to teaching. As exhausting as it is, I think this is really what I was born to do. Not that I dislike office jobs, not quite that, but I have to admit, routines are not exactly my forte, and being inside a classroom with 20 little devils is the farthest thing from routine that I could imagine (except for being a rock and roll superstar, I guess, but that's another thing XD).

Next school year I'll be in charge of teaching 3rd, 4th, 5th and 11th year. 11th year will prove a challenge, I think, but I'm definitely up to it!

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