Darth Jessica

Update... October 16th, 2009

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:56:00 GMT

Well, he-llo!

It's been like a month since the last time I posted something, I think. Nothing much has changed since the last time, except that I am so much calmed down and less stressed.

Huh, well, I guess that A LOT has changed, then :D

I've been working really hard, and studying really hard. I even did my thesis pre-project (I don't even know how it's called in English), and I hope it'll be approved and I can carry on with that line of investigation.

My personal life, as always, is on hold. Sometimes I fear that, while trying to make a career for myself and dedicating so much effort to improving my academic degree, I'm losing the opportunity to... I don't know what, but I'm definitely missing on something.

But then again, "there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me", right?

I joined a gym, and I'm trying to adjust it to my already crazy schedule (work from 7 to 5 and weekend classes, I'm feeling a bit over-worked here). So far, so good. I am seriously trying to get myself in shape. I'm even doing a pseudo diet (cutting down the bread and desserts, things like that). So far, so good on that one too.

I think I'll start a novel or something. I need a creative outlet too.

August 17th, 2009

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:37:46 GMT

"(There's Gotta Be) More To Life" - Stacie Orrico

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

i'm wanting more
I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

August 14th, 2009 - Afternoon

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 22:21:41 GMT

I find myself worrying more and more. I'm kind of paranoid here, what with all the symptoms I'm experiencing. What worries me the most is that I have them ALL. And I'm conscious about it, I just want to know how to FIX it!

Symptoms of Depression:

Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism.
You feel that life has/is 'passing you by'.
You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness.
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood.
You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy.
You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
Loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities.
You feel a burden to others.
You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
You feel you have no confidence.
You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again.

Some more Severe Symptoms of Depression include:

Thoughts about death or suicide.
Increased heart beat
Poor concentration, memory or attention.

Symptoms needed to meet criteria for 'depressive episode' in ICD-10:

A
Depressed Mood
Loss of interest and enjoyment
Reduced energy and decreased activity

B
Reduced concentration
Reduced self esteem and confidence
Ideas of guilt and unworthyness
Pessimistic thoughts
Disturbed sleep
Diminished apetite
Ideas of self harm

Mild depressive episode - at least 2 of A and atleast 2 of B
Moderate depressive episode - at least 2 of A and atleast 3 of B
Severe depressive episode - all 3 of A and atleast 4 of B

August 14th, 2009

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 17:01:52 GMT

I'm depressed.

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that makes me depressed, because there are several things that have that effect right now. For starters, I am TIRED (even though I'm on vacation right now). I'm tired of... I don't know, life. I am TIRED of my postgraduate classes, of working on my thesis dissertation, of my job, of my family, of my whole environment. And that SUCKS.

I'm also feeling really lonely lately. I haven't had a boyfriend in like forever since my ex left the country, and I really REALLY miss being in a couple (I miss him too, of course, but it's not like I want to go back to him). And well, I miss all the things that come with a relationship. Not just the physical part, though I miss that very much, but, the company, the familiarity, everything. I want that, I NEED that. And it's not like I'm all alone in the world, I have my friends, but it's just not the same.... Besides, right now we're kind of.... tired of each other, I think. I mean, I love them to bits and pieces, but I'm tired of always doing the same things.

I need to meet new people.

Star light, star bright, where the hell is Mr. Right?

That's another thing that makes me depressed: I'm not gorgeous, I am aware of that. I'm not even really pretty, just kind of. I'm... ok, I guess. Acceptable, tolerable. I'm also kinda fat. But I'm wicked smart, and funny, and I have lots of things to share with people. So why is it that I have so many friends yet no man is interested on me otherwise? Everybody tells me that I shouldn't try to change myself in order to get a man, but then they tell me that I intimidate people with my attitude or my personality. I cannot, for the life of dogs, understand it. My male friends tell me that I'm cute and pretty and even sexy, but why doesn't any other male tell me so? That, I conclude, depresses me a lot.

By the way, a conclusion is the place where you're just tired of thinking.

Enough rambling for the day, I wanna go wallow in self-pity.

August 12th, 2009

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:39:06 GMT

I spent three delightful days at the beach with my best friend and his girlfriend. I had a lot of fun hanging with them. I'll miss them both a lot when they move out of the country after their wedding!

August 4th, 2009

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:53:20 GMT

I’ve been feeling… empty, these days. There’s something missing in my life, and I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. I have a lot of friends but I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a job that I enjoy but I don’t get paid enough money. I have good grades in courses that I don’t really care for. My best friend Leo is getting married with an amazing girl, and I’m jealous because I want that, I want someone to share my life with. Maybe not a husband (yet), but I would like to have a partner. I’ve been spending a lot of time with a group of friends, and I enjoy my time with them, I do, it’s just… Bah, I don’t know…

July 31st, 2009

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 01:03:57 GMT

Well, my pseudo-thesis paper is ready to be delivered, the power point slides are ready to be presented, and I'm escaping class tomorrow at 11 to go to Caracas. I refuse to let this "studying" thing take away all the fun from my life! XD So I'm going to Avalancha, a convention of freaky things related to manganime, videogames, comics, roleplaying games and Japanese culture. I have to find my camera and buy some batteries!

July 30th, 2009

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:35:47 GMT

Just finished with the first and second chapter of my MSc thesis. I think (I'm sure) it's lacking, because it's more of a project of thesis than a thesis, but this is what I'm presenting to the teacher. I'm not planning on going crazy typing a hundred pages, because this is for Saturday, and anyway, the whole project is still taking shape in my head.

Wondering if...

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 20:09:56 GMT

There is really a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?

School year is over!

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:27:49 GMT

And I'm grateful for that. I've been sick (bloody flu!) for like a month and a half now, and it's bloody exhausting! On the other hand, I'm glad I returned to teaching. As exhausting as it is, I think this is really what I was born to do. Not that I dislike office jobs, not quite that, but I have to admit, routines are not exactly my forte, and being inside a classroom with 20 little devils is the farthest thing from routine that I could imagine (except for being a rock and roll superstar, I guess, but that's another thing XD).

Next school year I'll be in charge of teaching 3rd, 4th, 5th and 11th year. 11th year will prove a challenge, I think, but I'm definitely up to it!

Feelings...

Tue, 19 May 2009 01:39:52 GMT

Nothing more than feelings.

I have news: My best friend, with who I'm sorta in love, is getting married in December, and leaving the country after that.

I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I'm *happy* for him. If that's what he wants, then he has my whole support.

I know his girlfriend/soon to be bride, she's a lovely girl, and I know they can have a long, happy marriage, if they both work hard on it, but it doesn't mean that I'm happy about losing my best friend.

Then there's this other thing, that I don't know how to define either, and it's that I feel... I don't know, 'void', empty. I feel lonely and kinda sad, and not just because he's getting married, hell, it's not even because I'm jealous of her, it's because I'm jealous of HIM!

I'm jealous because I want that too. I want someone to share my life with, unconditional devotion and surrender to one another... I don't think I'm asking too much, am I?

I want love, that's all. I want the love that shares toothbrushes and has to worry about paying bills and going to the supermarket and cuddles on the weekends to watch a movie or just talk about everything and anything. I want a partner in crime, a pillow and a cover, a person who would hold me and who I can hold. Someone to share joy and sadness, I want a friend who understands how important it is for me to have pets and rescue stray cats and dogs. Someone who would challenge me and make want to be the best I can be, and someone who I can inspire to be better.

Am I really asking for too much?

I'm tired, oh, I'm so damn tired of being alone...

I have friends, loads of them. I don't think I can handle having any more friends. But... It's just not the same...

about a boy

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:57:51 GMT

This is a story about a boy I love, but I'm not in love with.

This is the story of a boy so broken that I want to help him and I don't know how.

The boy now is worried, oh, so worried, because his ex girlfriend is maybe sick, and the sickness is AIDS. He is going out of his mind with worry, and I can't help but be worried too, because if there's even the slightest chance that he'd be sick, I don't know what he'd do. And not only for himself, but for her, because he still loves her deeply.

So how does the story go?

The maiden in cargo pants and white gum converse shoes will take the worried boy to the doctor so he can get tested, and will patiently wait with him for the results. When the results come back, she'll be there to celebrate that he's not sick.

First day back...

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:51:29 GMT

And I had a lot of fun. My throat feels kind of raw, but I guess it's because it had been such a long time since I spoke to a full classroom... Teaching is definitely my botox, my collagen, the thing that keeps me young. I know, I know that this is bound to bore me at some point, as it already happened, but I think if I ever stop again, it'll be just temporarily. I seriously think that this is my calling. Being inside an office the whole day is certainly not what I want to do with my life!

And on another note...

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 01:31:38 GMT

I start teaching again tomorrow.

And if I were any happier, I'd explode!

YAY!

Jorge being depressed

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 01:28:39 GMT

Allow me to start in the beginning:

Jorge is the youngest brother of my very best friend, Leopoldo, who now lives in a different city, so I don't have him near as much as I'd like to. I have known Jorge since he was like, 10 years old, that is, I met him about 13 years ago. Since the beginning he has been a sweet, lovely boy to me, which he wasn't to the rest of the gang, so I have a special love for him. He's like the little brother I never had, and I am like his big sister.

Which is really, really funny when you see us, because I'm 4'9'' and he's 6'10''.

Anyway, I ramble.

Lately, he's been sad and depressed, and he was SO not like that. But I have to rewind in his story to get to the point.

He had a girlfriend, a beautiful girl, and she was her first girlfriend. Her first everything, actually. The relationship lasted 2 years. I have to say that when they first got into it, he was 19 to 20 and she was 14 or 15, I don't remember. But she was YOUNG.

He was really in love. Still is. But she broke his heart, several times, actually, and he was left into pieces.

I actually had had some months without spending time with him, but one day he called me and invited me to play role games in his house, with some other guys, friends of him. So I went and played, and after that we kept the long lost contact (let me inform that I'm five years older than him, so it's not like we hanged with the same crew or anything like that. And as I said, I'm his middle brother's best friend, we were not exactly "friends", we were more like cousins who didn't see each other all the time).

And well, I did say that I have always seen him like my little brother. So since we started talking more and hanging out, he has started telling me stuff, like why he broke up with his girlfriend (she was supposed to leave the country, then she didn't, then she cheated on him, then they became a couple again, and THEN they finally broke up. Not a pretty story), how he feels about himself (he has the lowest self-esteem of the world! I keep telling him that he's an attractive guy, he just needs to lose some weight, and he insists that I'm lying, that I just say that because I love him), about the girls he like (lately he has liked three, but he loses interest if the girl doesn't respond quickly. Plus he's always saying that girls are not going to pay attention to him because he's fat and ugly), about how frustrated he is with his job, what he wants to do with his life, etc. And I do the same with him, so we are good friends now.

My best friend isn't here, I need someone to talk to, alright? Jeez!

Anyway, he's been... well, moody, to say the least, these last couple of months, but these past two weeks have been specially awful: He met his ex at the mall, and it was, well, not pretty. She had forgotten all about his birthday (actually, all of his old friends did. They went on a trip to the beach and didn't even text him. They remembered after four days! If MY friends forgot about MY birthday, well, they wouldn't be my friends anymore, that's for sure!), but then she walked up to him, gave him a peck on the cheek, said "Happy Birthday" and walked away, just like that. And he was like "WTF?!!".

Considering that he still loves her, that was a HUGE slap on the face. Just that day he had been talking about how angry he was with his friends for forgetting his B-Day, and with her, because when it was her birthday he at least sent her a text message, but how could she forget so easily, and all of that. And after that she's been calling him and insisting that they be friends again, until he exploded and said "I CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMN IT", and again, it was NOT pretty.

I can't help it, I go all mother hen whenever Jorge is involved. I get all overprotective, and right now I'm really frustrated because I want to help him OH-SO-MUCH, but I don't know how! I don't know what to do to make him feel better about himself, about the whole situation... I have a new habit, though, and he taught me that: now I tell him that I love him every time I get the chance. I even send him random messages to say that I love him. And I don't do it just for him, I do it with a lot of my friends, with my parents, my sister...

I never thought that telling people that you love them could feel so good, and could make them feel so good. I shall never stop doing it.

So, in the end, I wrote all of this waiting for some kind of enlightenment, but I'm right where I started...

Can anybody give me at least an idea?

I quit my job yesterday

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:07:08 GMT

That's right, I quit my job yesterday and I'm HAPPY about it. I don't know if I'll get a new job soon (I certainly hope so!) but for the sake of my mind, for my inner peace and even for my health, I had to get out of there.

I'm not totally out since I have to do a four weeks notice, but on April 24th I'll be free.

YAY!

paper

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:01:51 GMT

I am awfully behind in a paper due Saturday! It's about Innovation and how it affects organizations in different levels. My head is elsewhere, I can't focus on it. It´s not like I don´t know what I´m supposed to answer, is more like I can´t be bothered with it, it really is an annoying feeling.

Decisions

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 23:36:30 GMT

First, Me and my best friend Leo are going to open a PR/Marketing company. He'll do designs and stuff and I'll do managing stuff. I'm still not sure of what we're doing, but I'll give it my best.

Second, I have decided to go to Spain this year. I'll probably go around May-June. Maybe I'll spend my birthday there!

Third, and this is quite big, I'm planning to move out of the country in 2 years tops. I'm thinking Australia is a good place to find my fortune.

That's it.

lack of sleep

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:46:09 GMT

I've been out of my house a lot this week, since Tuesday afternoon.

I went out for coffee with Dayana, who accompanied me to buy Alex's gift and then we spent like three hours talking in a coffee shop. I missed that. I miss having my friends around...

Then I went to Leo's place. The thing was supposed to be like this: I was going to Leo's to give him his present, then I was going to Ch2's to play Final Fantasy XII and stuff, but I ended up staying at Leo's. Juan Daniel came too, with Mirosly, who is his girlfriend now, and I can't seem to connect the two in my brain, it's just too weird.They make a cute couple and all, but it's just all to weird. So we played Texas Hold 'em and had fun just talking and joking, and they left at two in the morning. After that, I was really NOT sleepy, so we talked (Leo, Jorge (a.k.a. Bunny), Daniela and me) until 3 something. Dani fell asleep and Leo went to bed too, so Bunny and I watched The Prestige, which ended at 5.46am. That's when I went to sleep. I slept till 11.45am, and I hanged around until 2.30, when Leo drove me to Jorge and Karina's place, where I had lunch with them and Dayana. We had SO MUCH FUN! awww, I miss them soooo much, it almost hurts! They're my friends, my crew, my kindred spirits, and I miss them a lot. At 7.30 Jorge drove me to Alexis' place, and at the door there were Leo and Daniela again. We played Scene it? Disney version, and Alexis beat the crap out of us, LOL! Funny how a gay guy knows more Disney than me, ROTFLOL! After that, we watched [REC], a Spanish horror movie, and I stayed there for the night. The next day I came back home, took a shower, had lunch (pasta salad, oh-so-yummy!) and went back to Alexis' place. I played Final Fantasy XII, but the dungeon is so damn hard! So the boss (Hashmal) beat me like four times and I gave up. I played a little Animal Crossing (so useless, yet so addicting!) and we all went to Cafemania to have dinner. After that we went to Leo's place to play Scene it? Disney and Original Versions, and I beat everybody to the floor, oh, yeah, I rule! I stayed at Leo's place, and went to bed at 3.30am, and woke up today at 6.15am, then Ebert picked me up at 7.15am and we went to work. He brought me Final Fantasy III and IV for DS from the US, yay! I caught up on a little bit of work (I still have loads to do) and now I'm home rehashing the week. It's 1.20pm now, and I'm hungry and sleepy, so I'll have a bite, a nap and get ready for the weekend.

So...

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 03:25:41 GMT

I haven't written in a while.

And it's already a new year.

I've been pretty much to myself, lately. I mean, yeah, I went out with my friends sometimes, I got them presents, I went for lunch with my sister twice, and I was even present during New Year's Eve at my grandparents'.

I deserve a medal, I tell you.

The rest of the time? Yeah, I've been locked up in my bedroom.

I'm not even sure if I'm depressed, I'm just... empty. It's like the outside world holds nothing for me these days. I just want to stay in my bed, with my covers on my head, or nursing a steaming cup of tea while reading a book.

I find life utterly un-stimulating these days.

I still miss my dog like crazy. Oliver is fun and all, but he'll never replace Tommy.

Feeling utterly depresed / Not feeling anything

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:52:28 GMT

My dog died today. He was all alone at the vet's place, and I couldn't be with him. I arrived half an hour later, due to motherfucking traffic. I feel like crap.

Anger - letting off some steam

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:30:46 GMT

I can not believe that I'm related to a person as petty and miserable as my mother's brother, Efren. He's the most selfish, tightwad and stingiest person I have had the disgrace to meet and deal with. But let me put things into context.

In previous entries, I believe I talked about my dog being sick, and if I didn't, then by all means, let me clarify: My dog's name is Tommy, he's a 9 year old Dashund, he's black and all-around adorable, except that though he's already a senior citizen, he still isn't potty trained. Well, not as if I didn't try, more like he just likes to challenge me whenever he can....

But I digress...

You see, Tommy isn't my dog, to begin with. He belongs to Efren, in name, but since he brought him home, I've been the one who has taken care of it. I fed him with a bottle when he was a puppy, I played with him, taught him tricks (sit, lay, roll, smile, beg, revere), walked him, took him to the vet, bathed him, etc. All the things the owner of a pet should do, therefore I consider Tommy to be mine, even if Efren claims that he's the real owner.

To get to the point, a couple of weeks ago, Tommy's belly started to swell, like he was full of gas, and he didn't want to eat. He only drank water, and peed like crazy, so I took him to the vet, who ran a lot of tests (blood tests, electrocardiogram, ultrasound, X-Rays) and determined that the dog's liver was swollen, and that he had some sort of Hepatitis, and a ventricular fibrilation, which could translate into a heart attack sooner or later. He told me that the dog was in a serious condition, and that I had to choose between treatment or putting him to sleep. He also told me that if I was persistent enough and took care of Tommy like I was a nurse, the dog had a chance of survival. I didn't believe him, I thought that he was just telling me that to make me stop crying, but I decided to go with the treatment, and if Tommy died, well, at least he was home and not in a strange place.

So the vet assigned Tommy some serious treatment, steroids, beta-blockers, vitamins, diuretics, gastric protectors, special food, and a really tight schedule of administration, which I have followed to the T. And I'm glad that I did, because Tommy is getting better, he's eating more, he's animated, he seems happy and wags his tail a lot when he sees me. He hates it when I give him the meds, though. It's not fun for either of us.

But the real problem here is that I spent a lot of money in the vet's consult, the tests, the medicines, the special food, and I spend a lot of time taking care of the dog, which is fine by me, because I love that dog to bits and pieces, so I really don't care if I get late to work or if I have to go to bed later than usual and wake up earlier than usual. It's fine. What bothers me is that the money I spent was supposed to be for postgraduate class tuition. I didn't even ask him to reimburse me the total amout, I just asked him to give me back a part, Bs. 250,00, so I could get enough to pay for tuition, but the imbecile told me that he had spent Bs. 140,00 the last time the dog was sick.

By the way, the last time Tommy was sick was four years ago, and I spent Bs. 860,00 on that occasion.

So I'm really pissed off at him. How can he be so mean and cheap and tightfisted? If I didn't need the money, I swear to God, I'd tell him to go to fucking HELL and take his money with him! But the other thing is that I don't want to upset my mother. She knows I don't like the man, she just doesn't realize how deeply my disgust runs. And I rather have her in the blissful ignorance. And since I know she won't be reading this, I let out the steam by writing this.

But there will be a day when I can't keep it inside anymore...

And that day... I'm sure I'll find some cyanide around.

Raging hormones and annoying co-workers

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:55:03 GMT

I think I have never talked about my co-workers here, right? Well, then:

I work with 11 women (yes, eleven, as in ten plus one) in a clinical laboratory. A small place, on top of that, so we pretty much don't have personal space (yeah, that's a bit exaggerated. I do have my own office, but the rest are more or less cramped). As I was saying, eleven women. We're more or less civil all year round, except when each has her period, because you can not be civil when you have menstrual cramps and feel all bloated and cranky. But we manage to avoid bloodbaths and violence.

BUT...

Ah, yes, there is a BUT. You see, there are people that even when you're trying your hardest to have a friendly environment, they just have to spread the seeds of discordance.

There is this bioanalyst (let's be all "Gossip Girl" and call her just D) that is, in one word, stressful. She enjoys drama and being the victim/center of attention. She's technically the boss of the others, and I'm the boss of her, so she should be my second in command, but she's not, mainly because I'm a lone wolf in a weird pack, and second because I can't stand her for extended periods of time.

There's also C, and she's cool, except she has a temper that Ares would envy, and she clashes horribly with D. She's also pregnant, so you can imagine what her temper has been for the last six months. She used to be all nice and giggly, now she's a weeping, screaming monster. All she does is whine and yell at people. I've never been pregnant, but I think the extra weight messes with your brain cells waaay too much.

There's ME, who is a joker, and she's fun to hang around, except that she's a Gossip, with the capital G and all. She doesn't have issues with anybody, and at the same time she has issues with every one. She's demanding and bossy, but at least she's not moody!

The last of the bioanalysts is GJ. I think she's the most level headed of all. She doesn't mess around with anybody, she's trustworthy (so far), she is a mellow person, and she's worked her way to into the group (she's the newest member of the high hierarchy).

There are three lab aids, who are Y, L and Mg. Mg and B are great, they're helpful, compliant and respectful. They don't mess around with anyone, and the get along with everybody. But Y... Y is another thing. She's nosy, bossy, gossipy and she loves to put other people in trouble. The worst part is that she's charismatic as hell, so she hangs around with everybody. She's a friendly backstabber, I'd say.

The secretaries, that's another side of the pack. They're young and lively and fun, they're responsible enough that I rarely have to lecture them, and they're good at their jobs. They're all students and they work to pay for tuition. Well, all of them except L, who is the eldest (she's 34, three kids and a granddaughter of 11 months. She has a lot of personal problems, but I try to cut her some slack, because she's so efficient, she's my right hand).

The last person is Ms, she's the cleaning lady, and she's, well, I kind of pity her. She has the worst luck ever. In six months, her mother had to have emergency surgery, her son broke his arm, her daughter had convulsions and her husband had a car accident. AND she was sick the whole time, with dengue.

I get along with everyone just fine, but what troubles me are the issues between them. But I'll address this later, because I should start working now.

in serious need of a pep-talk

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 22:12:16 GMT

Wow, long time since the last post! Well, I'm kind of in a dilemma. Not reallly a dilemma, but I'm feeling seriously underestimulated at work. I'm bored, and I feel like I'm not achieving anything important. My co-workers like me, they appreciate me, and I like them as well, but that's not enough to stay in a place, is it? On the other hand, I have a great salary, which is excellent because higher education is quite expensive, and I still have to complete two years of Masters studies. So I think "just wait for two years! You have stayed for one year and it passed so quickly, you can wait for two more years! Yeah!", but after a couple of weeks I start feeling blue all over again. I have thought about quitting and finding a new job, but the job market isn't exactly overflowing with offers, and in these days of uncertainty you have to hold on to what you have. I know I do bigger things, but I can't throw everything to the wind! And yet I CAN throw everything to the wind, but I just won't. Call it responsibility or whatever else, but I just can't leave knowing that I'm needed where I am, even if I don't fully enjoy what I do.

So my mom needs to have surgery

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:25:53 GMT

because she has a kidney problem (or lacks of it, because she doesn't have the right side kidney). She just had a talk with the doctor, and they'll schedule the operation for this week, I think.